Rose Simpson: Ready, set, yawn for the Ontario election

_ Rose Simpson’s column appears every Tuesday morning on the OttawaStart Blog. She also blogs at Rose’s Cantina . You can read her previous columns here . _

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A lot of you have been waiting for the Liberal government to fall and the election to commence.

Some of you.

A few of you.

Okay, anybody who belongs to a political party other than the Liberals.

The rest of us hate elections. They cost a lot of money. They take up valuable time during the Big Bang Theory. We get to see too much video of ugly people kissing babies, surrounded by immigrants.

Except Andrea Horwath, she’s sort of pretty like Blair on the Facts of Life, except for that insane haircut. Nobody wants a premier who has to spend an hour every day ironing her hair.

Anyway, like it or not, with or without the leader of Ford Nation disrupting the proceedings, we are going to have an election.

Ready, set, yawn.

First thing, first.

There’s nobody good to vote for.

A vote for Kathleen Wynne is a vote for the Liberals who have completely f’d up everything. They squandered your precious tax money on a billion dollar boondoggle involving a gas plant that was too close to the golf course in Oakville. They gave that creepy doctor millions to screw up our air ambulance service, and, under their leadership, took a Don Quixote approach to energy by building windmills while our Hydro bills quadrupled. On Hydro alone, the Liberal Cabinet should be sent to the gallows.

Dalton McGuinty may be scribbling wills someplace, but he is like a bad fart in church. You can’t get rid of the stench no matter how many times you fan the fabric.

Then there are the Tories.

Ah, the Tories. I met Tim Hudak, he seems nice enough but he has his own fart tailing him.

The fart of which I speak is Stephen Harper.

The rule of thumb, generally, is to make sure that you don’t have the same stripe of government at the provincial level as you do at the federal level. Electing a Tory government is just a bad strategy for Ontario.

Here’s a little secret. If you elect Tim Hudak, pretty soon there will be a Conga line of Tory SUVs travelling down the 401 from Ottawa filled to the brim with Tory consultants who will come to Queen’s Park to rape your pocket book. A lot of them will be Harper outcasts, but they are Tories all the same, with a Tory mentality. Pretty soon, they will be spreading “Common Sense” all over Toronto and all the public servants and card carrying union members will be out on your asses.

As for the NDP, I don’t know, it’s the NDP. We all remember, with a shudder, the NDP majority that got in while David Peterson was chasing after a sheep in the desert looking for a burning bush. By the time, the NDP was done with Ontario, even the teachers hated them.

True, the NDP was run by Bob Rae, who then became a Liberal, but still. The NDP was an awful choice and Ontarians may not be ready to forgive or trust them again.

So there you have it.

Three bad choices. Very disappointing.

None of them offer any hope of getting my own personal household back to work.

There may be a glimmer of hope that the Tories will send in a team of hit men to kill the leadership at Ontario Hydro.

But that won’t be until they’ve spent three years dismantling windmills.

We will have to see what kind of platform they present.

In the meantime, my suggestion is to turn off the regular media for at least six weeks.

I hear True Blood is coming back.

And not a moment too soon.

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Rose Simpson _

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** ** See also: ** Ottawa Election Guide

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