Fake Friday: Massive Convent Now Planned For Lansdowne

_
_

 _
  Lansdowne Park -
 _
 In a surprise buy-out from the City of Ottawa, the Sisters of  Visitation cloistered nuns have purchased the entire Lansdowne Park area  and plan to demolish everything and build a $500 billion dollar convent  to replace the one they sold in Westboro last year.

  Recent media coverage of the controversial
 


 
  
   Les  Soeurs de la Visitation three-storey stone convent on Richmond Road has  brought attention to the fact the nuns need a new home. The site was  bought by developer Ashcroft Homes last year and plans for a nine-storey  condo with street-level retail, a seniors' residence and designated  community space have been announced for the debated Westboro site.

 The  nuns secretly amassed billions of dollars while at the covent and using  funds from the Ashcroft purchase, have made a bold take over bid for  Lansdowne Park, an offer the City of Ottawa could not refuse.  "We are  ecstatic about this recent new development with regards to Lansdowne,"  explained current Mayor larry O'Brien who signed the deal behind closed  doors last night. "They offered us billions, and we are pleased to hear  plans for a peaceful convent will be built on the site." remarked  O'Brien.

    The  nuns revealed a develpoment plan during the purchase meeting, showing  concept drawings of their new 45 acre convent that will basically cover  the entire Lansdowne area. "This will be a state-of-the-art convent  featuring wi-fi, internal solar generation, an indoor replica of the  Holy Land and a 3,000 square foot confessional and Holy Water swimming  pool." commented nun spokesperson Sister Guimond who spearheaded the  purchase of Lansdowne. "We are excited to break ground this spring and  have a place to call home again after losing our place in Westboro."  replied Guimond.

   Glebe  residents are also excited at the prospect of the convent development  since it will be an area of pure silence and lack of fun. "I couldn't be  more pleased to hear a quiet place will be built here." Glebe resisbnet  Belinda Lukanik-Smith beamed. "No more Super-Ex with its bright lights  and washed up 80's bands!" Lukanik-Smith responded before heading back  to her herbal garden to culivate organic figs for her book club meeting.

Editor's note:

Every Friday on OttawaStart, we feature a “best of” post from the-o-dot, the satircal Ottawa blog.

This article originally appeared here.