The Dave Brown Traffic Report Drinking* Game

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*Drinking coffee, of course.

Alison at The Party of 3 blog recently published a funny post about CBC’s morning traffic guy, Dave Brown.  Alison writes:

I have a radio crush on Dave Brown, who does the traffic reports for CBC Radio One in the mornings. Dave has fun with the traffic report. I can’t wait to hear the new ways he’ll describe how traffic is moving. Or not, as the case may be. 

So here it is: The Dave Brown Traffic Report Drinking Game
Fill up your travel mug with a Timmie’s double double, a Starbucks chai latte, a Bridgehead fair-trade Americano, or just the plain old coffee that comes out of your Procter-Silex, get in your car and get ready to play. Turn your dial to 91.5 FM and make sure your mug is handy when the traffic report comes on. 

Take a swig whenever he says:

  • It’s a tough sled on all the bridges.
  • There’s a collision on the go. (But really, Dave, we need to talk about this one — it’s an oxymoron. When there’s a collision, it’s definitely on the stop.)
  • And that’s where the magic happens.
  • 417 westbound is clogging up.
  • Whenever he calls ‘the Split’ ‘the Merge’.
  • Eastbound 417 is packed to the gills. 
  • Patience is a virtue. (while describing the bridges)
  • Take a large gulp whenever his prose gets extra-descriptive. You know what I mean. Examples of gulp-worthy lines: 
  • “Highway 50 strikes a pose at Montée Paiement and vogues all the way down to la Vérendrye.”
  • “Volume builds up through Kanata, reaches an apex at Bayshore, then deconstructs by Woodroffe.”
  • “The 174 is in leather pants mode: tight as it approaches the Split.” 

See also: Ottawa Traffic Guide
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OttawaStart Staff

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1 Response

  1. The Maven says:

    This is pretty fab, Alison!<br /><br />Next you need to make a Max Keeping scavenger hunt.

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