Westboro – Eyewitness reports of a normal, non-sporty male wearing a regular button- up plaid shirt and khaki pants have been recorded early Wednesday morning after two joggers spotted the unusual creature on their way to yoga class. The rare sighting of a normally dressed, slow moving male with no visible signs of active living, has many residents in the area concerned and demanding city bylaw officers hunt down and remove the creature from the upscale neighbourhood. “We pride ourselves on making sure everyone here is wearing the appropriate trendy, spandex or active living apparel, so this oddity needs to be removed immediately.” says Linda Glonderfield, President of the Westboro Active Standards Practice, or WASP for short. “This sighting brings to light the need for better enforcement of keeping outsiders from entering our neighbourhood who are not prepared to be active and fit.” Glonderfield remarked.
Witnesses spotted the normal male figure near Britton’s Magazine Shop where he was seen purchasing an issue of Popular Mechanics and a bag of chips. Suspicion was aroused since most males in the neighbourhood only purchase Men’s Health, Forbes, Yoga Monthly or The New Yorker. The slow moving, loafer wearing male figure was then seen bypassing the Bridgehead coffee shop, which was also unusual, and then entered a green 1998 Dodge Stratus parked in front of the Newport Restaurant. The male creature then drove east on Richmond Road listening to CHEZ 106.
This post originally appeared on the-o-dot.
See also: Ottawa Neighbourhoods Guide